A Novel Idea
I think I've figured out why this novel finishing business is so unsatisfying. I've determined that there is no joy in it for me if the writing is not released at the end of the writing session and therefore I would rather write something new than return to something I didn't release. It is not that I mind the editing; I've learned a lot through that process. The problem is that I have no motivation to do it if it is not going to be published immediately or at least soon. Since the whole enchilada has to wait for publication until I'm finished editing it I find myself not wanting to bother with it. Keeping all the chapters to myself as I work on the next one is just uninspiring.
Releasing the work into the world seems to be an important component that I didn't pick up on as this last year has dragged on with the novel still unfinished. If I don't get to open my hand to release it then it just isn't fulfilling and the prospect of it all being worth it in the end to have a traditional book to release all at once isn't really enough to motivate me. There is something about the giving of the work that matters more. I am struggling to explain it but the flow of the writing--as in the flow through me and then away from me--is integral to wanting to write at all. Keeping those finished chapters in abeyance until the entire book is finished breaks the flow and I can't seem to overcome how flat and lifeless it all feels once that happens. Believe it or not it is actually more fulfilling to write this blog about my unfinished novel than it is to spend the morning editing a chapter in my unfinished novel simply because the writing won't go anywhere after I edit that chapter.
It is not strictly a gratification thing. I've taken some time to honestly examine that and I can truthfully say it's not that I need someone to comment upon it before I'm happy with it. The gratification doesn't come from the comments; it comes from the release. There are things in this blog I've written believing fervently were among my greatest work. Ironically they have never generated a comment from readers and I am still just as pleased with them. I thrill myself all time rereading something I wrote two years ago that never prompted commentary from the public. I don't need the gratification of a positive review. I seem to need the gratification of giving.
About six months ago I was doing some research about meditation and I stumbled across a blog by a practitioner who wrote a book on the subject online. He published each chapter on his website as he wrote it and then bravely allowed his blog readers to provide feedback before it was professionally edited. The interaction stimulated the writing in the way I imagine a focus group provides insight to writers of television shows. Folks got to tell him in real time what they thought of the chapter at hand and in a sense helped him edit it to the point that he never had it professionally edited. I can't decide if this is brilliant or insane. With the help of his readers he finished and published his book and writes joyfully about how this unique process changed his perspective of authorship.
So I feel like I am at a crossroads looking at three choices: a) not finish the novel, b) consider something radical like this guy's idea, or c) stop blogging and finish the novel the traditional way. All three choices have merit. Choice A--The bulk of the book came from this blog anyway so most of my readers have already read the content at least once before. Why spend my time reformulating what has already been released and received? Choice B--the online choice would undoubtedly motivate me and keep me on task to at least facilitate completion. Choice C--I'm probably not going to devote myself to the novel as long as there is an alternative.
All three choices also have downsides. Choice A--I spent most of my life wanting to write a book and it seems like a waste to chuck all the effort just because it got hard and wasn't fun anymore. Choice B--I will open up the work to premature criticism and lose the climax of a debut of the long awaited finished product. Choice C--Blogging on the side is a creative outlet I know I would desperately miss and without it I could cripple the very flow that got the manuscript this far. I confess I am leaning toward the scariest option of Choice B. Even though it is the most frightening and least traditional route it is really the only option appealing to me right now. Choice A is the safest option that also feels like a cop out. Choice C is the most dangerous option that feels doomed to fail. Choice B is the unpredictable option that feels like a giant unknown outcome.
With the new year just two days away I feel strongly that it is time to get off my ass and pick a direction. It's time to either make this happen or throw in the towel but enough with the languishing unfinished business. If I do this online I know I would dedicate my time to it even if it was only one day a week. Just as I used to do Poetry Wednesday I could pick one day a week and commit to publishing something, even if it was only one paragraph. I already have an editor on staff--Jo Steeple emails me my typos and omissions all the time. The only reasons not to do it are fear and hypothetical lost revenue if the book was a success. Fear I can embrace (and thereby conquer) and money is the last reason I do or don't do anything in life. This is not about money; never has been and never will be. So what the hell? Why not? I've got a couple of days left to kick it around. I'll let you know what I decide.
(c) 2011, ACG
Forget the self gratification for now.
Go with option "C".
I detect a wee bit of fear that you will complete it.
Reply to this
For what it is worth, I have never forgotten you telling me that the lull is just as important as the times when the words and energies flow. Whatever you decide, can I reserve an autographed copy now?
Reply to this