Liar, Liar
I watched karma even the scales in someone's life today and it nearly knocked the wind out of me even though my role in the events was more or less observer. Someone lied to me several months ago. It was a big one. It caused me great distress that I carried with me into other areas of my life. It caused a rift between me and multiple parties. I worked my distress over this big lie like pizza dough, kneading and stretching and adding stuff but finally realizing the best thing to do was to let it rest. So I did. I let it go because there was nothing productive I could do about it. Eventually the dough toughened with all the negative ingredients and I had to throw it away. It happened. It sucked. It's over. Move on.
Since then I have suspected that The Liar continued lying in future encounters but I have done nothing but wait and watch. I continued to be kind and do favors, watching and waiting, and avoided conflict with The Liar. Over the years I have learned (and repeatedly blogged) that sometimes justice comes without a battle. Those that cultivate negative consequences in the lives of others will eventually experience those consequences themselves even if the victims do nothing to retaliate. Every religion/philosophy in the world has a different name for it. The truth always comes out, one way or another, and liars are always proven false, one way or another. Lying is just another form of theft--theft of trust, theft of confidence, theft of intimacy, etc. Sooner or later an unknown auditor is going to expose the shortfall. If this has happened to you, be assured that is not always necessary for you to be part of the comeuppance. It will happen with or without you.
Today I discovered that karma retrieved my pizza dough from the trash and served up a consequence pie to The Liar. It was extra large. It was blazing hot. It was dripping with volcanic ingredients and The Liar had to eat it while those who had suffered the original lie watched. This included me and I was blindsided by it; never saw it coming. The instant heartburn, bloating, and overall discomfort that immediately befell The Liar was unmistakable. Once again the universal truth rang true--if it was done with bad intentions it always comes back around to bite you in the ass. At first I thought my involvement in this scenario was simply a reinforcement of that truth. I thought perhaps I was supposed to see all this as a refresher course in See What Happens When You Lie? Yes, but only in part.
This encounter also served as a refresher course in See What You Used To Be? I knew the depth of The Liar's consequential anxiety because I had been there myself as a younger Sassy. I remembered what it was like to be so twisted internally that lying was a reflex. Nothing was worse than telling the truth. I didn't have the courage to live in truth so when I got caught I just told more lies. I remembered what it was like to steal from people's trust and confidence remorselessly. I also remembered the justifications I invented for that behavior and therefore couldn't be smug about The Liar finally getting caught. Most people would think I had every right to celebrate the bitch-slap that karma delivered to The Liar because I had been wronged. I believe the deeper lesson is rooted in compassion, as it always is. Something terrible made The Liar behave this way. I remember that terrible.
What must The Liar be going through to become someone who does this (and earns this kind of rebuke)? I already know the answer to that, don't I? I know because I used to be the same way. If the suffering The Liar is enduring is anything like my past suffering then I can't take a stance of smug satisfaction. I know what twists people into this level of deceit because I lived it. I can't celebrate that. I know how one becomes a thief. I know how one dares to torture innocent people, good people, and even people who are deeply loved with lies. It gets bad enough over time that you almost can't help it anymore and the only way you can stop it is to finally screw up badly enough that the consequences become unbearable. No way can I judge The Liar when I was once broken the same way. Pretending otherwise and taking pleasure in the snare of The Liar would be the same as lying.
How could I wear my crown(s) if I did that? I couldn't. I can't. I also can't condone or support The Liar's actions and the destruction those lies caused. That's all still very wrong no matter what kind of muck and mire has befallen The Liar. I don't think it was any kind of coincidence that the universe sent me a crown and then the very next day tests me to see if I will live up to it. Clapping my hands in applause over The Liar's fate is not regal behavior, especially when I once earned myself the same fate. We don't get to consider ourselves above reproach simply because we have reformed. We don't get to revel in the unfortunate retribution of others simply because we now make better choices. Perpetual liars are simply people who are suffering. We do nothing toward alleviating their suffering by crowing over their continued suffering as if they deserve it. No one may be able to escape suffering but no one "deserves" it either, so don't tell yourself that lie.
My hope is that The Liar's discomfort will prompt the beginnings of change. This is the only acceptable response that feels truthful. I read in another blog yesterday that kindness changes everything. Kindness is a crown. Compassion is a crown. Truth is a crown. Earn them. Wear them.
(c) 2012, ACG
Since then I have suspected that The Liar continued lying in future encounters but I have done nothing but wait and watch. I continued to be kind and do favors, watching and waiting, and avoided conflict with The Liar. Over the years I have learned (and repeatedly blogged) that sometimes justice comes without a battle. Those that cultivate negative consequences in the lives of others will eventually experience those consequences themselves even if the victims do nothing to retaliate. Every religion/philosophy in the world has a different name for it. The truth always comes out, one way or another, and liars are always proven false, one way or another. Lying is just another form of theft--theft of trust, theft of confidence, theft of intimacy, etc. Sooner or later an unknown auditor is going to expose the shortfall. If this has happened to you, be assured that is not always necessary for you to be part of the comeuppance. It will happen with or without you.
Today I discovered that karma retrieved my pizza dough from the trash and served up a consequence pie to The Liar. It was extra large. It was blazing hot. It was dripping with volcanic ingredients and The Liar had to eat it while those who had suffered the original lie watched. This included me and I was blindsided by it; never saw it coming. The instant heartburn, bloating, and overall discomfort that immediately befell The Liar was unmistakable. Once again the universal truth rang true--if it was done with bad intentions it always comes back around to bite you in the ass. At first I thought my involvement in this scenario was simply a reinforcement of that truth. I thought perhaps I was supposed to see all this as a refresher course in See What Happens When You Lie? Yes, but only in part.
This encounter also served as a refresher course in See What You Used To Be? I knew the depth of The Liar's consequential anxiety because I had been there myself as a younger Sassy. I remembered what it was like to be so twisted internally that lying was a reflex. Nothing was worse than telling the truth. I didn't have the courage to live in truth so when I got caught I just told more lies. I remembered what it was like to steal from people's trust and confidence remorselessly. I also remembered the justifications I invented for that behavior and therefore couldn't be smug about The Liar finally getting caught. Most people would think I had every right to celebrate the bitch-slap that karma delivered to The Liar because I had been wronged. I believe the deeper lesson is rooted in compassion, as it always is. Something terrible made The Liar behave this way. I remember that terrible.
What must The Liar be going through to become someone who does this (and earns this kind of rebuke)? I already know the answer to that, don't I? I know because I used to be the same way. If the suffering The Liar is enduring is anything like my past suffering then I can't take a stance of smug satisfaction. I know what twists people into this level of deceit because I lived it. I can't celebrate that. I know how one becomes a thief. I know how one dares to torture innocent people, good people, and even people who are deeply loved with lies. It gets bad enough over time that you almost can't help it anymore and the only way you can stop it is to finally screw up badly enough that the consequences become unbearable. No way can I judge The Liar when I was once broken the same way. Pretending otherwise and taking pleasure in the snare of The Liar would be the same as lying.
How could I wear my crown(s) if I did that? I couldn't. I can't. I also can't condone or support The Liar's actions and the destruction those lies caused. That's all still very wrong no matter what kind of muck and mire has befallen The Liar. I don't think it was any kind of coincidence that the universe sent me a crown and then the very next day tests me to see if I will live up to it. Clapping my hands in applause over The Liar's fate is not regal behavior, especially when I once earned myself the same fate. We don't get to consider ourselves above reproach simply because we have reformed. We don't get to revel in the unfortunate retribution of others simply because we now make better choices. Perpetual liars are simply people who are suffering. We do nothing toward alleviating their suffering by crowing over their continued suffering as if they deserve it. No one may be able to escape suffering but no one "deserves" it either, so don't tell yourself that lie.
My hope is that The Liar's discomfort will prompt the beginnings of change. This is the only acceptable response that feels truthful. I read in another blog yesterday that kindness changes everything. Kindness is a crown. Compassion is a crown. Truth is a crown. Earn them. Wear them.
(c) 2012, ACG
I was on my way to see your crown when this post came up. Wow! Very well written. Very well spoken. You've earned your crown...and I haven't even seen it. Bravo!
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Reminds me of that saying about how someone may be fighting a battle others cannot see, like the internal struggle of a liar.
Like the part about how qualities like kindness and compassion are crowns that must be earned.
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