Black Arts and Yoga Farts
There was just a blob in the bottom of my Magic Tea Cup this morning. If I turned the cup multiple directions and used my imagination I could name a shape or two the way you can pick out shapes in fluffy clouds, but I figured that was reaching too far. There wasn't a clearly defined shape, face, or number like before so I just rinsed and refilled. Since the rest of this post is mostly an editorial rebuttal regarding my dabbling in the black arts, let me clarify that I am not reading tea leaves in a literal sense. I wouldn't even know how to read them if I tried. Besides, I already looked it up and declared my findings bogus, remember? I am identifying shapes (and numbers); a skill most people learn in kindergarten. I skipped kindergarten and went straight to first grade, ergo I was an expert in such things at a very early age. It's not a black art; it's just brilliance.
Now then, regarding me being a devil worshipper by virtue of practicing yoga, I am channeling a Monty Python level of disdain and snort in your general direction. Trust me, you don't want the full Monty (that's fart, for those of you who didn't get it.)
I have a friend who recently tried yoga. She has been bothered by recurring shoulder pain and was on the fast track to some major surgery for pain relief. She decided to try a yoga class and was delighted to find that after only one class she experienced immediate pain relief and improved range of motion. When she mentioned it the next day at church (to thank and praise God for the relief) she was strongly cautioned by her fellow church members not to mess around with "that yoga stuff" because it is a cult in disguise and eventually leads to devil worship. Sigh. So sitting in church and praying for 35 years didn't help her shoulder but one yoga class did? Hmm...not supposed to work that way, now is it? I guess that's why it must be something evil.
A cult of non-violent, non-judgmental, barefoot people who bend and breathe; that's absolutely genius. I wish I had thought of it first. We sucker them in with pain relief. We trick them into a joining a cult by relieving their pain, boosting overall health, improving flexibility, and making them feel more peaceful and balanced. Nailed us cold. We are now fully exposed as a cult of--what?--happy people? God forbid. One thing is for sure though--when you go to a yoga class you'll never hear anyone tell you to stop attending your church. We must be a truly subversive cult if we are willing to let you keep your traditional faith while concurrently trying to turn you into--what?--a healthier person? It never gets old; the only folks who find church and the benefits of yoga mutually exclusive are the church folk, yet yoga is the cult. Sigh.
People are afraid of what they don't understand so everything unknown gets lumped together with the known dangers. I guess it's better to be safe than smart (or at least better informed), and while we are at it we might as well condemn what we don't understand just to be extra safe. It's also easier to spread rumors and misinformation than it is to do some actual research, and as all church ladies know, the juicier the gossip the better it spreads. Devil worshippers get better press than peace mongers and all religions can agree that thin/healthy/fit people are way more fun to hate anyway, right?
I've got a news flash for all of the Redeemed: Yoga has no end game. There is no benefit to "converting" you to yoga except your own improved health and well-being. We get nothing if you start practicing, except maybe happier and healthier friends. You breathe, you bend, you repeat. That's it. You practice, you get better, you bend further and breathe deeper. That's it. In a clinic it's called physical therapy. In an aerobics class it's called warming up or cooling down. Isn't it interesting that your soul is never in jeopardy in either of those venues but move the same activity to a yoga studio and suddenly it's a cult? Why? Misinformation--the church ladies might have been well-meaning but they were wrong.
Feeling better doesn't change your religion any more than catching a cold changes your religion. It is completely possible to be a church-going, tithe-paying, prayer-saying Christian and still practice yoga. My current yoga class is full of them (Christians), including my Baptist instructor. In fact, I'm probably the only one in class who isn't a Christian and as I have said many times, I have been outnumbered by Christians in every yoga class I've taken for the last ten years. No one worships anything in my yoga class. If they did you can bet that I--the nonbeliever--would leave. Imagine that. This must be one dandy cult if even the heathens would leave at the first sign of devil worship.
I've met Satan. (It's true.) He doesn't practice yoga. If he did practice yoga the Christian churches would probably find themselves out of an adversary. As it is, yoga is counter-productive for Satan because it promotes all the wrong things for a Satanic agenda. Even without being a devil I know that it is super-difficult to cause mass suffering and worldwide damnation while promoting/practicing peace, gratitude, and harmony in a judgment-free non-competitive environment. Maybe it can be done but I doubt Satan would bother with the yogis. Odds are your soul is safer in yoga class than just about anywhere outside your church. That is, unless you insist on bringing him with you.
(c) 2012, ACG
Now then, regarding me being a devil worshipper by virtue of practicing yoga, I am channeling a Monty Python level of disdain and snort in your general direction. Trust me, you don't want the full Monty (that's fart, for those of you who didn't get it.)
I have a friend who recently tried yoga. She has been bothered by recurring shoulder pain and was on the fast track to some major surgery for pain relief. She decided to try a yoga class and was delighted to find that after only one class she experienced immediate pain relief and improved range of motion. When she mentioned it the next day at church (to thank and praise God for the relief) she was strongly cautioned by her fellow church members not to mess around with "that yoga stuff" because it is a cult in disguise and eventually leads to devil worship. Sigh. So sitting in church and praying for 35 years didn't help her shoulder but one yoga class did? Hmm...not supposed to work that way, now is it? I guess that's why it must be something evil.
A cult of non-violent, non-judgmental, barefoot people who bend and breathe; that's absolutely genius. I wish I had thought of it first. We sucker them in with pain relief. We trick them into a joining a cult by relieving their pain, boosting overall health, improving flexibility, and making them feel more peaceful and balanced. Nailed us cold. We are now fully exposed as a cult of--what?--happy people? God forbid. One thing is for sure though--when you go to a yoga class you'll never hear anyone tell you to stop attending your church. We must be a truly subversive cult if we are willing to let you keep your traditional faith while concurrently trying to turn you into--what?--a healthier person? It never gets old; the only folks who find church and the benefits of yoga mutually exclusive are the church folk, yet yoga is the cult. Sigh.
People are afraid of what they don't understand so everything unknown gets lumped together with the known dangers. I guess it's better to be safe than smart (or at least better informed), and while we are at it we might as well condemn what we don't understand just to be extra safe. It's also easier to spread rumors and misinformation than it is to do some actual research, and as all church ladies know, the juicier the gossip the better it spreads. Devil worshippers get better press than peace mongers and all religions can agree that thin/healthy/fit people are way more fun to hate anyway, right?
I've got a news flash for all of the Redeemed: Yoga has no end game. There is no benefit to "converting" you to yoga except your own improved health and well-being. We get nothing if you start practicing, except maybe happier and healthier friends. You breathe, you bend, you repeat. That's it. You practice, you get better, you bend further and breathe deeper. That's it. In a clinic it's called physical therapy. In an aerobics class it's called warming up or cooling down. Isn't it interesting that your soul is never in jeopardy in either of those venues but move the same activity to a yoga studio and suddenly it's a cult? Why? Misinformation--the church ladies might have been well-meaning but they were wrong.
Feeling better doesn't change your religion any more than catching a cold changes your religion. It is completely possible to be a church-going, tithe-paying, prayer-saying Christian and still practice yoga. My current yoga class is full of them (Christians), including my Baptist instructor. In fact, I'm probably the only one in class who isn't a Christian and as I have said many times, I have been outnumbered by Christians in every yoga class I've taken for the last ten years. No one worships anything in my yoga class. If they did you can bet that I--the nonbeliever--would leave. Imagine that. This must be one dandy cult if even the heathens would leave at the first sign of devil worship.
I've met Satan. (It's true.) He doesn't practice yoga. If he did practice yoga the Christian churches would probably find themselves out of an adversary. As it is, yoga is counter-productive for Satan because it promotes all the wrong things for a Satanic agenda. Even without being a devil I know that it is super-difficult to cause mass suffering and worldwide damnation while promoting/practicing peace, gratitude, and harmony in a judgment-free non-competitive environment. Maybe it can be done but I doubt Satan would bother with the yogis. Odds are your soul is safer in yoga class than just about anywhere outside your church. That is, unless you insist on bringing him with you.
(c) 2012, ACG
There is an art gallery in the downtown area here, A friend has put some of her paintings in that gallery. She has painted some nudes, but the studio/gallery is very careful about what is displayed because across the street is an office that has something to do with the southern baptist church here. (A shamebased, critical church with a minister who does funny stuff with the monies.) There is also a yoga studio next to the art place. The yoga folks told me the church reps questioned them about what they were doing. ??? Where do folks get such idiotic ideas...sigh.
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